Suburban Man Feels Sense of Accomplishment After Telling People Days Are Getting Shorter

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For the fifth time today, Milwaukee resident Simon Newhart has proudly alerted anyone who will listen, that the days are getting shorter. Simon has not hesitated to bring up the fact at the slightest mention of time, seasons, or any kind of change in general.

Simon feels the greatest sense of joy when asked follow-up questions about the days getting shorter, and how one can get the most out of the precious sunlight hours. Simon’s favorite advice is telling people to look up light therapy, and then raving about how his light box brought him back from an intense winter depression.

Following the sixth time that Simon told someone about “the seasonal change that we all seem to take for granted” he genuinely believed he should quit his job, and get that meteorology degree he’s always been talking about.

When asked for comment, friends and family of Simon believed he would get over this phase by October, and turn his attention to alerting people that Christmas is approaching at a rapid pace.


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